Yeah, Vladimir, it IS getting personal

If I was President Joe, and I’m not, although I spent 18 years in Washington, D.C.and my boss’s daughter worked directly for Hilary Clinton and traveled with the first family—


I’d say, if I was Joe, “Your know Vlad, my son served over in Afghanistan in a war zone and you put a bounty on American troops. I don’t forget.”


“Vlad, you totally interfered in our 2016 election over here and still keep screwing around. I will remember.”

“Vlad, I’m holding you responsible for the broken American oil pipe line that serves the Eastern United States and is disrupting our gas supply.”

“Vlad, with all due respect, sir, you’ve got 72 hours to fix everything‚Ķ or else.”
“Or else what?”

“Your entire national GDP is equivalent to one of our state’s–Texas. That’s it. Good luck, pal.” Screw the Alamo.

*”We will expropriate all the cash and real estate assets of your thuggish oligarch buddies around the world. That will expose some of our super-secret banking-intelligence capabilities, but I will pay that price. Your personal assets, we will leave alone and make sure the Russian people fully understand your wealth at their looted expense. I will leak the word to your “friends” that we made a deal to let you keep your assets.”

*”The Ukrainians have already received initial secret shipments of advanced anti-tank weaponry, the kind that wiped out Saddam Hussein, only more advanced this time. Your tanks won’t even see it coming. The U.S. Air Force has new armed drones coming out the ass and is eager to try them out.”

*U.S. Naval Fleets? Well, more headed your way after I talk to the Chinese, and the British, et.al.

*”The Ukrainians will receive up to-the-minute state of the art satellite coverage of Eastern Ukraine.”
*”Your satellites will suddenly go dark, again unfortunately revealing more of our secret capabilities.”

*”Arrangements will be made for the S. American Drug Cartels to flood your streets. You will lose a generation of Russians. We have been through this. Horrible. I’d rather go after them than you, but I don’t have a choice. I’m here to protect America, not negotiate a downtown Moscow hotel deal.”

*”Worst of all, for you, I will initiate secret talks with the Chinese President, seeking a new understanding. After all, there’s a huge ocean between the U.S. and China and we love Chinese food and the Chinese women are fine looking. China, with one and a half billion people, is looking at all of that empty Russian land on their doorstep and thinking they could probably do something more useful with it than just let it sit there.”

“If you’ve got something to say, say it fast and to V.P. Kamala. I’ve delegated her responsibility for negotiating with economies that aren’t in the top five. Capiche?”

Yours truly, Sleepy Joe Who is Real Woke

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